Consensus over identity

What is it that people see when they cross ways with me?

I’ve been asking myself this question over and over again for the last few years. In our modern world full of fool’s gold and make belief it’s often quite hard to distinguish the truth from falsehood. It always proved difficult for me to understand the debate of what defines the standards of quality and good taste. Long did I thought that Intelligence and adequate education where the primary merits one had to have to separate true from false, to distinguish good from bad. But apparently I was wrong, it seems that authenticity is defined by that what the majority sees as true and genuine.
It was a way of thinking I wasn’t familiar with and which in modern philosophy goes by the name “truth by consensus”. What this theory roughly boils down to is that it’s the process of taking statements to be true simply because people generally agree upon them.
Not to be mistaken by unanimity, which stands for undivided opinion.
The difference is a subtle yet important one.

Now how does consensus effect everyday life and how can I make it work for me? I wanted to find out because it sounded like something that could make a crossdressers life easier.

When hitting the street as a girl for the first time a few decades ago, seeking acknowledgement in passing was my only objective. Doing my best in fooling unsuspecting passers-by, naïvely I thought that every time I got home without being read, I was seen as female.
How much truth held this thought exactly?
According the consensus theory, getting dressed up through town and not being read would make me a real woman right?
Unfortunately and needless to say, it doesn’t work that way.
Although I do have an outspoken female taste for all good things in life and feel rather offended by female unfriendly behaviour, I’m still born a male.

That isn’t changed by how other see me. It would be different when the people would think unanimously positive about my female appearance. In that case I would despite all my bodily features still be qualified as female, simply because people were all a hundred percent sure and no one would think otherwise.

concensus II

Now before you get lost in my smoke and mirror lockdown it’s important to know that the fundamental reason for my habit is something else than fooling people in making them believe that I’m a woman. I do have rather profound female feelings that I need to express on a regular basis.
Making myself pretty on the outside is the only way for me to reflect what’s going on inside. So looking nice and feminine is as important for me as it is to display my female attitude. It’s the total image that’s giving me the right feeling. Just putting on female clothing can be satisfying to spend an evening at home, but going out requires a lot more effort. I noticed that some transgenders have a different view on this, but I simply prefer to look as convincing as possible before stepping out of the door.

It’s at this “convincing” bit where the principal of consensus comes into play.
In my case, looking convincing is not what I think looks good on me, but that what confirms to what people generally believe a woman should look like. Blending in is the most important value in this consensus. It makes that they at first see a person who in most cases will qualify as female.
For the majority this is apparently enough and they don’t grand you a second look. Their brain isn’t triggered into believing anything other than to see a female person, as long as you look good enough to meet the requirements of the consensus. Mission accomplished.
For the remainder that isn’t so easily misled, it’s important to look the part. Putting in the extra effort generally makes that people don’t take offence and are happy to go with what they see. Passing isn’t an exact science though and that’s what makes crossdressing such an exciting enterprise. Besides that, getting read is part of the consensus right? Otherwise this post would be called “Unanimity over identity”. Sometimes I do get read too, but every single time this happened, I was met with a smile. Of course, there will always be someone who sees what’s going on, but that doesn’t necessarily mean they let you know or that you get into trouble.

Maybe next time you go out, that someone will be me.  But hey…….it takes one to recognise one innit? 😉

x Sophie


Dress to impress

Dress to impress

As for most crossdressers, being passable was a very important thing for me. Going out in the street dressed as a woman and not being read by the public was my only objective for years.
Seeking acknowledgement in nobody taking notice.
Ironically this great paradox was also my biggest trap.
The image I created was never good enough and in search for perfection I got lost in a maze of indecision. Tinkering endlessly with my image, stumbling over minor details. In the end nothing seemed right or good enough and even an insignificant flaw in make-up or hair was a enough to spark the doubt. No less than catwalk perfect I occasionally dared to leave the house. Walking around the block, late at night in the dark. I needed the perfection for my confidence, blind for the fact that it was just that, what drew the attention.

Sounds familiar?Bitmap in Reservekopie_van_Dunwich beach

Remember, to pass one has to blend in with the crowd in the first place.

It was my better half that got me out of the house after my coming out three years ago. She was a great help in developing my everyday style and showed me how to look and feel feminine in something else than dresses and stiletto’s and to tone down on the makeup and eyeliner.
Over the years I had developed a taste for classy yet seductive dresses and heels, signature tranny stuff she stated. Good for premier parties and red carpets, but definitely no garb one wears in daily life.
Obviously she was right. With her help I found confidence in wearing skinny jeans, shirts, sweaters and footwear with sensible hight heels. She taught me how to blend in and still being feminine, sexy and beautiful.
Nowadays I go out regularly donning the girl next door look, feeling confident and girly. 🙂

X  Sophie