Why do we lie to ourselfs? What is it that plays tricks on our minds and prevent us to look at the world we live in and ourselves in an objective way?
If there is one thing I’ve always been very good at, then it’s “making matters worse”. From a early age, there was always that little voice in the back of my head, mirroring all my ideas and plans into the most horrible scenarios. No silver linings around my clouds. It took the joy out of almost everything I did and eventually it led to avoidance. What I didn’t do, couldn’t possibly turn into a disappointment, right? Adventure found it’s equal in potential misfortune.
A balance hold by apathy and regret. How much did I miss out on?
Unfortunately it took me decades to discover that it was actually me who did this to myself. What got me back on track were some people who provided me with the appropriate insights and a good friend whose inspiring attitude towards life, worked as an example for me. It was quite a journey and they were all instrumental in changing my dismal mindset and to give me the energy to push forward. From the day I choose not to listen to it anymore, the little voice gradually became less loud until it faded into a faint whisper. I learned how to accept Sophie as a part of myself and to make her venture out into the world. Thank you all, from the bottom of my heart! ❤
On my way back I must have left something at the dark end and turn me into the mild opportunist I’m today. Experience or avoid? is now the question I often ask myself when new opportunities in life arise. I turned it into one of my life’s mantras and carry it everywhere I go these days.
I know it can be hard to distinguish the real bad matter from the imaginary mischief, but the little voice is still there. It wouldn’t be healthy either to stop asking question all together isn’t it? I guess it will never part and that’s ok, but nowadays it helps me balancing my thoughts between what’s real and what’s not.
Let’s call it intuition 😉